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Sunday, September 5, 2010

I'm WHAT???

I can't believe it's been so long since I've posted. It's very difficult to blog and work and be a mother/wife. This post is something that is a little crazy but I definitely wanted to remember.

Late June, I'm sitting at my desk and start to feel something in my stomach. I thought "This is strange, yet vaguely familiar". I thought it maybe was gas because I didn't want to even think about it being something far worse...yes a baby. I started to pay attention to it for a few days and it didn't go away. So I decided to totally ignore it for a few days as to not make the problem bigger than what it really was. After about 1 1/2 weeks of the problem continuing, I decided to go to Walgreen's after work and get a pregnancy test. I was so anxious that after I bought the test I took it in the store restroom. It turned positive after a few minutes. Still in disbelief, I drove immediately to the nearest walk-in clinic. They thought I'd lost my mind the way I was crying. I showed them the test and explained my stomach thing. They took blood work which wouldn't be tested until the next morning. However, the doctor felt my stomach and said I was probably 4-5 months pregnant. WHAT??? For me, everything had been "normal". Yes I had been nauseous but I thought that was my diabetes as that can cause the same problem. Yes I had gained 15 pounds but I just lost 25 pounds so I though this was my normal weight gain after dieting. No I haven't had my period but I never have my period every month. Basically, my world was crashing down around me.
I had to pull myself together to go home and tell Daniel. I told him to come and meet me in the car so that we could have some privacy. He was worried about why I was crying and where I had been. I told him that I had to tell him something but I couldn't deal with him yelling or cussing as it would have pushed me totally over the edge. He agreed. He couldn't believe it. He kept his word and didn't yell or curse but I knew he was very upset. I told him about the doctor taking the blood test. As typically for Daniel, he thought there was a chance I wasn't pregnant but I knew I was. We waited for the blood test to come back the next morning and sure enough it was positive.
I was a totally wreck at home and work. I had no idea how far along I was but it had to be at least 16 weeks since I felt movement already. I was very concerned for the baby's health because I was taking 18 pills a day for a variety of things-mainly diabetes related. How was my body going to handle this pregnancy with my current health issues and my past medical history of pregnancies? How am I going to take care of this baby as I'm now the breadwinner in the family? How can we afford this child? You can imagine all the thoughts racing through my head. I prayed ALOT for the first several days.
The following Sunday I asked Loren Richards and Eric Bass to give me a priesthood blessing. It was the most spiritual experience. I cried during the whole blessing like a crazy woman. I don't know how Bro Bass was able to continue with the blessing due to my emotions. I know Bro Richards had some tears also. I'm so grateful to these wonderful, worthy priesthood holders for being able to do the Lord's work and provide me comfort and peace in such a distressful time in my life.
The morning it was confirmed about the pregnancy, I had to first get an OB appointment and call my medical doctor. I was able to see my medical doctor within 2 days of the blood test confirmation. When trying to make an OB appointment, they were questioning why I waited so long to see a doctor. My response was, "I just found out 2 hours ago so I'm not quite sure how much of a notice I was supposed to have given." I finally got an appointment for an OB consultation the day after my medical doctor appointment. My medical doctor got an ultrasound done that afternoon to find out how far along I was. I was 21 weeks and 1 day (that was July 1). They even told me I was having a boy. I was still distraught over the whole situation that I didn't care if it was a boy or girl. The OB consultation was not anymore informative. They had to schedule an OB doctor appointment the next week. The OB decided it was be best to transfer me to Vanderbilt for my pregnancy. His words were, "You're an obsetric challenge." That's never something you want to hear.
It took 3 weeks to get into the Vanderbilt clinic. They did another ultrasound and assured me the baby seems to be fine. I was told there would be many appointments during the pregnancy especially starting at 32 weeks.

It took a very long time to adjust to the idea of having another baby. I literally went through the stages of grief-stock/denial, anger, depression, bargaining, and finally ACCEPTANCE. It took about 6 weeks or so to get the final stage of acceptance. That sounds horrible but it was true. I now know this baby is a true blessing our in our life. Although I still don't know who will take care of the baby while I work or how we can afford him, I have faith that God will take care of us and he knows our needs.


First ultrasound pictures at Gateway Hospital on July 1 when I found out I was 21 weeks and 1 day and it's a BOY!
PROFILE PICTURE
NOSE AND LIPS
Second ultrasounds pictures on July 22 when I was 24 weeks and 1 day. These were at Vanderbilt. This is the first time Daniel got to see the baby.

SIDE VIEW WITH THIGH

I LOVE THIS PROFILE VIEW!!!

2 comments:

  1. Oh my gosh... Congrats girl! Babies always bring blessings...sometimes it just takes time. I think your response is totally normal. In fact when I found out I was pregnant with Benjamin, I had a total freak out much like yours and I WANTED a baby at that time. Things will work out one way or another. I wish I lived closer so I could help you out some way!

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  2. i'm glad you blogged this and i am so impressed with you and how you have handled everything. i love you, jess!

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