"I am a Puzzle"

Ever since February, we have been addressing concerns the school and I have had with Damon. To be more specific, Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD). As you can imagine, it was upsetting but for some reason not that big of a shock. As I began research, I found there are different types of ASD. Most people only know the traditional ASD where it is more visible to the untrained eye. After hours and hours of completing forms and going to appointments with psychologist, psychiatrist, speech therapists, school administrators, nurse practitioners, doctors, and ASD research group we finally got the answer. We spent all day at the Vanderbilt Research Center. They asked us even more questions while they "interviewed" Damon. He was on his best behavior which was really good. The dr said he was a very complex person and so he had to have more interaction than normal with him in order to get a diagnosis. The answer is yes...he has ASD but in the group called Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD). Basically, he shows some of the signs and symptoms but on a higher level than someone else. This has been my speculation for months. The doctor feels he will be successful in the future as we try to build upon the set of skills he already has. To make a long story short, there is still much work ahead for us as we get the school to adapt his education plan, as we re-learn how to parent, and etc. I'm glad that we know what the answer is and I am ready to move forward with getting help for him so that he can be happy and successful.

Obviously, this is the short version as to spare you will all the nitty gritty. Until I knew exactly what we were dealing with, I really didn't want to discuss it before now. I only told the kids a couple of weeks ago since they also had to be part of the research that Vanderbilt was doing. It was a genetic study and they had to take some blood and collect some other basic medical data. I will get a very detailed report of their findings and will be a great service to us as we work with the school system. They also will be connecting us with other types of services.

Please just keep us all in your prayers as we have only begun the journey.

In closing, here is a poem I found during my research that I feel describes Damon and what he is going through:

“I Am A Puzzle"

By Melody Rain

I never understood the association of a colorful puzzle with autism before but I do now. After much thought the whole idea has become clearer to me now. I am a puzzle. A puzzle in which I do not know even myself how to put together to make me whole.

Some people enjoy puzzles and others do not. The puzzles that we are, are made colorful to make us more appealing. We have many colorful interesting pieces that make even those who despise puzzles to become interested in us.

I am a colorful puzzle in an ordinary box. The outside of the box looks just like any other puzzle box. I look just like any other person would look. But there is something a bit more interesting that catches the eye and that is my colorfulness.

The box is rather a usual size not too big or not too small but just right. The ones who become intrigued pour me out and I am scattered all over the floor. There I sit with many pieces.....confusing I become.

More pieces than anyone expected in just a normal and ordinary sized box! Some of those who poured me out take one look at all of my pieces and walk away. Others stick by me and attempt to pick up some of my pieces and look for the missing parts to put me together. Some stay for awhile and try to put those pieces together...some of the pieces fit right off and others they look long and hard.... sometimes many frustrating hours.

Eventually several people become frustrated and walk away while shaking their heads telling themselves they tried. Yet others, many others, still stay....searching....Looking ...fitting me together....enduring long and sleepless hours sometimes to the point of exhaustion...frustration but they all have one thing in common and that was commitment.

Some sit on the floor and cry for awhile wondering what to do next. Others search for more information on how to find the pieces needed to fit certain parts of their understanding. Still yet together eventually I become pieced one by one.

The pieces are me; it is what makes me unique. It is my struggles, it is my gifts, it is my talents but it is also full of the confusing pieces that just make me ...me. Understanding me is hard. It takes time, it takes effort, and sometimes it’s not so much fun.

Those who walked away in the beginning are those who did not care to try and understand me because I seemed too complicated. Those who walked away after some attempts decided it was too much for them to continue with me.

But those who stayed were those who were with me even when the times were tough, even when they were confused as to what puts me all together. They continued to try even though I made them tired or sad or frustrated or mad. With each piece being placed together I became whole. I became understood.

The more they understood me, the more they understood each piece that relates me to all of the other colorful puzzles. With each understanding the pieces became easier to find. I am fortunate to have those in my life who are waiting and willing and who will not give up on me. Thank you from all of those who are a colorful puzzle like me.